Baby, Hang On

To begin: Eucharisteo (Thanks-Living)

#65. Shampooing Lyla’s hair – silken, smelling of lavender and lilac

#75. Rain splattering on my windows at night, soaking into the earth, giving it a good drink

#78. The baby sleeping with her hands clasped behind her head. Total relaxation.

#81. The truth spoken in love. Proverbs 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”

#82. Crumpled tissues soaked with repentant tears, healing tears.

#88. The hope of spring.

This has been a rough week. Spiritually, physically – I feel like I have been battered on all sides. And at the very heart of it all, when I really got down to it with the help of a most trusted friend (or sister, really) there was sin rearing it’s ugly head. And that mixed with an issue that needs healing, has for a long time . . . well, God bless my sweet friend who goes head to head with me when I am an emotional mess. It was a little like pulling teeth, but she does not give up easy, and neither does my Lord. Thanks be to Him.

I felt a little, or a lot, like Israel. Here I am having walked through the parted sea, escaped destruction, provided for in every way and delivered into the promised land, and I find myself grumbling(Numbers 14:27). Grumbling. It’s ludicrous!  And even still, sometimes I feel like I specialize in the ludicrous, the ridiculous, the crazy.

And it’s when I acknowledge my wrong and grieve it, that the strain, the stress, the hurt begins to drain away. I’m all the more desperate for His grace. And I read tonight in One Thousand Gifts  a retelling of Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32:24-31) where Jacob becomes, Israel. After wrestling all night with a man, who is God unbeknownst to Jacob, God touches Jacob at the socket of his thigh, crippling him. Jacob will not let go and says, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Living in thanks, I also refuse to let go. Tenacity.

And Ann shares a quote from preacher James H. McConkey, “The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing us.”  I read that and sat, mouth gaping. And I said aloud, “Bless me, bless me. I thank you for this mess, for the breaking, for all of it. Just bless me. I won’t let go.”

It’s not an empty promise. It’s what is. It’s what I must say to people who say, “Oh I could never live through what you have.” Yes you could and you will, we all must . . . be broken, and you must not let go.

And now I am all worn out in a good way. Emptied of me and filled up with the truth that I continue to learn year after year, that when I come to the end of myself, I come to the beginning of His glory.

 

Hear and Do

Have you ever walked into a room, determined to complete some important task (you know, uh, like tweeting about what you had for breakfast ) and the minute you step into the room, your memory suddenly evaporates? Better still, have you ever looked into the mirror and walked away only to realize that you’ve already forgotten what you look like today?

James 1:22-24  says “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

Word up.

I’ve been so, so very guilty of this. Merely listening, just tasting but not chewing. Not allowing it to go down to the inward parts and transform me from the inside out. And in so doing, I lie to myself. And self, she is a wicked good liar. Tells me I’m okay, everyone slips up sometimes, it’s not a big deal. Tells me I’m not as bad as “so and so”. Tells me to just substitute intimacy with I AM for some other god.

Jeremiah 17:9 (NASB) The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?

Yikes. All that advice to just “follow your heart.” No thanks.

Merely hearing the word and not obeying it, it’s like seeing my self in the mirror and still have no clue what I look like. Like looking into God’s word and totally missing HIM. His beauty, His grace, His holiness.

Friends look at what happens when you really listen, when you drink deeply . . .

James 1:25 25 (NASB)  But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Exodus 20:6  (NLT) But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.

Why Blog?

I’ve been reading some new blogs (which I will share below) and it got me thinking about why I blog in the first place. Why does anyone? Are we all just obnoxious sanguines with a flair for the written word who must have the first and last say? Oh wait, that’s me.  :/

The blog is a really interesting thing because a person can, through a few key strokes, share their opinion, belief, hope, issue, whatever – with literally the whole world. Wow, now there’s some perspective for you. Makes me and my little piece of web feel so very small and kind of intimidated.

A little background: According to Wikipedia blogs emerged in the late 1990s with the term “blog” coined in 1999. By 2oo4, blogging really began to rise in popularity and by this time last year, there were some 156 million public blogs in existence. Cripes. That’s a whole lotta blogging!

Personally, I began mine in 2007. I had just moved back to Oklahoma from Tennessee. I was writing for an advertising publication out of Nashville still and staying home with Jonah. I had not really made any friends here just yet. In truth, I was terribly homesick for Tennessee. I needed to reach out. Tell SOMEONE how I was feeling. And in the beginning, that’s really all that it was. I pounded out my thoughts onto that keyboard just as if I were chatting with an old friend. I know it sounds dumb, but for a time, that blog seemed like my only link to a world of loved ones that I could not reach out and touch.

Over the years, I stuck with it, and slowly, it evolved into this. Something I am actually proud of. A vehicle of encouragement and hope to friends and strangers alike. A way to share my faith with anyone who is willing to read it. A way to say to you all, “Life is devastatingly hard and unfair, but God, oh my Lord, He is so good. His blood speaks a better word. His grace, sufficient.”

And with that said, enough yammering from me. I want to share a few new blogs I am reading with you. Some are new to the blogging world, some have been at it awhile like I have. At any rate, give them a read and some support!

Happy blogging!

Pieces of Me – Personal blog of long time friend Rose. Rose and I went to school together in Austin. I’m pretty sure she is one of the only believers I knew then and maybe my first exposure to the gospel. She’s a great girl, wonderful mama and wife and shares candidly about her fitness/faith journey.

Think Godly - Personal blog of also long time friend Matt. A reawakening of faith led Matt to start blogging and tweeting (@matthewreborn) about whatever God is laying on his heart and mind, encouragement, scripture, etc. It’s fresh, concise and without pretense. Enjoy!

JenHatmaker.com - Jen is a transplanted Okie Austinite. She is a woman on fire. Full of passion, wit, humor, courage and Jesus. She challenges our cultural norms and challenges us to live lives fully and radically devoted to Christ and in turn devoted to the poor, the marginalized, the orphans and the hurting. If you want a spiritual butt-kicking combined with a laugh, happy reading.

Thanks-Seeing

I posted a photo of the first page of my list. My Eucharisteo list, my personal One Thousand Gifts. The moment I hit ‘publish’ I almost wanted to yank it back. This learning the language of gratitude is harder than I thought it would be. I think I am generally a very thankful person, yet I look at the Joy Dare list for January, and I struggle.

I actually think to myself as I look around my less than tidy home, “Well, I could think of a few things I am not thankful for.” As that thought slipped out of my mind, my hand went to my heart. How dare I? Apparently, I have a lot of work to do. Psalm 139:23 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”  I pray that in earnest. 

I am telling you friends, it is startling to look at this world with a gratitude perspective. Here are a few from my list for this week:

3. The first bite of breakfast – it’s so lovely to feel your body audibly sigh its own ‘thank you’

12. Rahab . . . amazing faith rewarded with an amazing legacy.

13. A family linked arm in arm, worshiping together

20. Dance  . . . does a soul good.

22. Dirty dishes and laundry – they tell of Your provision!

25. Wrapping a warm towel straight from the dryer around Julia as I plucked her out of the bath . . . she giggled in absolute happiness.

16. HOPE

Page one of my 1000 Gifts

Thanks-living

It’s been given to me . . . a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and overflowing into my lap (Luke 6:38). That pretty much sums me up lately. It’s joy. And just in time. My time of mourning is over. I’m throwing off the black clothes and grabbing some color out of the closet. And here, in this place where there is dancing,  some of my dear sweet friends, are struggling. Struggling with tough stuff. Grief, fatigue, physical ailments, relationship troubles, job loss, career change, cancer . . . it’s all so much. So much to bear.

Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens and therefore fulfill the law of Christ.”

I firmly believe that God has gifted me with encouragement. Ever since I stepped into the light of Christ, I’ve felt an urge to push others towards Him. Ask any of my friends, I am your biggest cheerleader. I believe in you . . . because I believe in Him. He who is able to do far more abundantly beyond what we could ask or think (Ephesians 3:20)

And it’s been my recurring theme these past two years and now into 2012; Counting it all joy. I’ve written about it, studied the book of James like a crazed woman, sang about it . . . experienced it. The truth is that we find the deepest intimacy with Christ when we are at the end of our ropes. And when we are thankful.

A friend invited me to her home for lunch this fall. She’s such an amazing person. A mom to four, homeschools, an amazing cook, an amazing teacher – just an amazing friend. She and I sat chatting over a beautiful but simple lunch, me a little too excited that there were pomegranates, and she brought up this book. This book about gratitude. A Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It only took me 5 months, but I got it, and was devastated by chapter 2.

It is the overwhelming fact of our ingratitude which makes it to hard to believe that God is good. It is my unbelief in His goodness and my failure to thank Him, for the millions of gifts He gives, that presses me down. And that’s all changing.

I said my words for 2012 were going to be joy and peace. No. My word will be gratitude. Because I am grateful that He has grace on me, an often flighty, excitable, sanguine, woman. A silly woman who loves Christ, who loves my children, my friends, my family – furiously. Enough to ask you to come with me on this journey.

Please check out Ann’s site, and watch for my Thanks-living posts as I take the Joy Dare to count One Thousand Gifts this year.

2011 in review

And…. here is the annual blog review. Muchos gracias for all the traffic, and special thanks to my fellow bloggers who have me linked up to their sites – particularly, Daysha and Sara – love you girls!  Happy New Year Everyone

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,900 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Irresistible Future

Hi friends! I kept my word and did not post any new content throughout the remainder of December, and finally . . . it’s 2012!  I rang in the New Year with my friends, the Moore family. We ate, we danced, we laughed. I talked smack to an 11-year-old over a dancing game . . . not my proudest moment. All the same, such fun!

So, friends, the question is – resolutions or no resolutions? What camp are you in?

I am in the no resolutions camp, for once. Here’s what I have figured out after a little reflection: my past resolutions were merely wishful thinking of things I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to do. So this year, no resolutions, just a determination to live healthier in every way, to laugh more, to dance more (literally and figuratively), to be more grateful and more intentional day-to-day.

I am walking into 2012  armed with this thought from Oswald Chambers:

“Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ. Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Him.”

And I thank you all, friends, for your amazing encouragement and support throughout 2011. Thank you for walking with me through the valleys and sharing my joy.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

All my Love,

Crystal    

So Long, Farewell . . .

December’s half over. Seriously. I know, I was also shocked to realize this. And it’s such a lovely month too. 2011 will be done in a mere 16 days. I am really, really  looking forward to a new year. 2011 was not bad. It’s been bittersweet and crazy, and I admit that I am hoping for a bit calmer 2012.

As we make the march towards a whole new year, I have decided to take Jon Acuff’s sagely advice and take a bloggie break. As in, no new content, BUT yes, there will still be some content to enjoy.

For today, I bring you 5 favorite blog posts of 2011. It seems that lists are all the rage for blogs these days, and I say heck, if you can’t think of anything else to write, join em!  Without further adieu . . .

1. Sneaking out of Church Early by Jon Acuff on Stuff Christians Like.  ”If you’re able to exit the service like a sleek jungle cat through palm fronds or a coyote sneaking up on a chicken (if you prefer Grand Canyon similes instead of Tropic of Capricorn similes,) I can respect that. When I open my eyes after praying and all I see is a dust outline of you, like in the Road Runner cartoons, I’ll shake my head and simply say to myself, “Well played sir. Well played indeed.”

2. I love The Pioneer Woman. I tried to pick one favorite post, but it was too hard. Instead, I give you her most recent post which includes wonderful new . . . a NEW COOKBOOK!  My thighs do not thank you Mrs. Drummond.

3. A friend told me about a little book called One Thousand Gifts (which I DO intend to read soon!) but I have become a big fan of the author’s blog – A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp. She’s wordy, which I like, paints amazing word pictures and cuts you to the bone. Not many blogs have brought on the water works, but this one has. This post is from last week . . . God’s word is alive and active.

4. After the Airport by Jen Hatmaker – fellow Austinite, awesome Bible study writer/speaker and real person who is who she is. This post resonated with me because while I have not had the heart-wrenching experience of going through not one but two  international adoptions and then living to tell about it, I have gone through some unbelievable circumstances and have lived to tell about it, and to remind those suffering that there is an after. 

5. As a mother to two little girls who are already getting into the princess thang, this was funny and relevant! Positive Princesses? Perhaps.

 

 

 

A Book Review – The Hunger Games

I admit that I have been known to be a book snob. Fellow English majors, you know  what I mean. “If it’s popular, it can’t be that good.” Sometimes, many times, that old saying holds up. I am glad to say that this time, it did not.

For months, MONTHS, friends have been nagging me to read The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I don’t know why, I just never got around to it. I was finally persuaded by a trusted friend, and fellow sometimes-book-snob, who had bought the e-version and let me borrow it on my Nook. I could sum up my review with this statement: My Nook’s battery has run down for the first time in the past two weeks, twice.

First I have to applaud Suzanne for being a fantastic writer. Her characters are well-rounded and so real. The dialogue flows, the elements of suspense and danger have you charging through yet afraid to turn the next page and the romantic elements are a far cry from the sappy, soap opera stuff that I loathe.

Someone asked me to describe the sub-genre the book would fall into and I found myself grappling for an answer. It has elements of fantasy, thriller, sci-fi, romance and drama. It’s an all things to all people kind of novel I guess. Something for everyone even though I can assure you that this isn’t a book for everyone.

Case in point, if you like your stories tied up in a happy bow, don’t look here. It is a bittersweet story. There’s as much loss as there is victory. If you’re looking for something fun, different and unpredictable, The Hunger Games is the ticket!