Six years ago I started this little blog. Six years ago, I never knew what might happen when one lonely girl trying to keep her head above water in a flurry of changes sits down to a PC and starts banging away at the keys. At first I struggled to know what to talk about. I was not ready to spill my guts to the world wide web because in truth, I did not know what even lied within. I did not know myself, not even a little. I often tell people that prior to my life drastically changing some four plus years ago, I couldn’t even tell you my favorite color; I was like a stranger living inside my own body. Can you relate?
If you cannot, good. No one should live like a shadow. Yet, that’s all I was . . . just a shadow of a person locked deep into patterns of codependency and shame. My eyes had no light in them at times, like the fire had been snuffed out. When my “life” fell apart, I thought, “surely, this will be it for me.” But no, He had other plans (always does!), and that violent shaking, turning everything upside down plus my worst fears materializing before me WOKE ME UP. Breaking free is not pain free. The path to freedom is ridden with pain, heartache, disappointment and grief. Why sugar coat it?
Now I see that this little piece of the blogosphere was given to me so that you might see that. You, who wonders if you will EVER be free from the strongholds that daily choke the life out of you. You, who want more than everything being “okay” – never good, never bad, just par for the course. You who are grieving and crying out to God and see no purpose in it right now. You who are my friends and loved ones who have been my victors and prayer warriors and confidants, you get to be a witness to God’s grace in this little life of mine. This silly little oft neglected blog is a testimony and a picture of grace in motion. I have never been here to say, “Everything will be okay.” No, that isn’t really true. While everything may not ever be “ok”, everything can be trusted to Him who holds all things together and who loves you, so much that He willingly stepped in between us and a just God who called for payment for the sin, the ugly, the injustice, the shame . . . and He paid for it with His own life and covers us so that we might die and then LIVE.
Everything will not be OK, but He is Good. My joy does not make sense. Glory! My completeness in Him is a head-scratcher for sure. My circumstances are not ideal or attractive; they are not supposed to be. It’s the story of grace, and grace does not compute with the world’s standard of success.
So, six years later, I am so very thankful that I opened a little WordPress account and began writing stories, however mundane they may sometimes be. I am grateful for all of you who read my words. I am grateful for the gift of words, and pray they are a blessing to you.