For some two months I’ve sat staring at this white screen, cursor blinking steadily, daring me to write something, anything. And each time I grew more frustrated because the words just wouldn’t come. There was no familiar rush of inspiration followed by a mad dash to put words to screen, feeling like I couldn’t sleep until I got the words out. It weighed heavy on me, this wordlessness. I knew that I was full of stories, jokes . . . and knew full well that lately, I’ve said a lot of nothing special.
In Luke 6:45 Jesus says, “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.”
Look, I am speaking solely for me here. When I suddenly have nothing to say that really matters there’s a reason for that. This gift of writing (or whatever you want to call it) is a gift from God. I knew when the words stopped . . . I knew why. My heart had moved from Him. I’ve often joked that God keeps me on a short leash; only it’s not really so much a joke. It’s true. I love the old hymn Come Thou Fount that says, “O to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be! Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.” And He’s a jealous God for my heart and my attention.
Some circumstances in my life have rattled my cage and sent me running back to Him. This is good. Yes, a stressful time, more than I care to explain here; It’s an exhausting season of my life. Yet, for the first time in a good three months, my mind is clear, I hear His voice in my ear again, and the words come.
Life is short, friends. 2013 has made me more aware of that than ever. If you were to ask me now what matters, I will bluntly tell you that it’s Jesus. It’s grace and more grace. It’s for freedom that I’ve been set free, and the second my heart wanders to things that look more appealing and shiny, temporarily satisfying . . . I start to forget. This spiritual shortsightedness is frustrating. I’m like the Ten Second Tom of believers. There’s grace for that too.
And again, I lean back into gratitude to find the joy of the Lord that is so hard sought after. THe joy that people can’t figure out when they only know what’s happened to me. The past really can be the past. Today is all gratitude and grace. Everyday has to be, even the craptastic ones that drag on when the hits just keep on coming. When tornadoes literal and proverbial rip through your world, when relationships are mucky, when work is hard, when money is short and the list of bills long, when kids are in tough stages and it all seems too much for one person to handle – there’s grace for that.
So, yeah. I’m back. Happy reading!