I’m a mother; you’d think I would be excited about a day devoted to me. Yet on any given mother’s day for the past three years, you’ve found me one of three ways, in this order: 1) Crying. Like, all day. 2) Angry. Just pissed at the world. 3) Asleep. That’s right, I slept all day.
You see, year one I was freshly alone and a mess. Year two I just had a terrible, yet understandably terrible, attitude. All I could see at church was a sea of happy, “complete” families. And then there was us. Me, struggling to drag two toddlers and a seven year old to church. Me, alone. Me without a flower on my shirt. Me, with no gift. Me. This year, my attitude is much better. Even so, it’s hard for the lonely not to set in on Mother’s Day. So I decided to save myself the hurt and stayed in bed.
I spent a good portion of the day just praying. Days like today make me realize that there’s still wounds to be tended to. There’s still hurt in the healing. I’ve come a long way, but still have a long journey ahead of me. Makes we wonder what I will do next year. Perhaps I will finally be in a place of acceptance.
So, this goes out to all the moms who aren’t feeling it on Mother’s Day – whatever your circumstances may be. It’s okay to not celebrate or post happy pics on Facebook with your kids. My kids came home today from their weekend with their dad and proceeded to terrorize the grocery store. I wanted to say, “Uh, they aren’t mine!” he he.
Mamas, it’s okay to stay in bed if you’re able, go for a long walk, cry a bit, pray a lot. A saying I like a lot lately is, “You can only be where you are.”
So as my third Mother’s Day as a solo mama draws to a close, I am grateful for my children, and desperate for more and more grace.