I tiptoed to the bedrooms awhile ago to check on the kids. I had to laugh as I looked into the room that Lyla shares with Jonah. Once again, she had crawled into his bed after he had gone to sleep. That’s the only way he can’t stop her since he sleeps like the dead. She likes her big girl bed, but she likes her brother’s bed better. I flipped off the lights and touched sweet Julia’s little hand flopped between the slats of her crib. The house was so quiet, so peaceful. Thank you Lord.
No sooner had I put my head on my pillow did my mind start to think and my soul started to pray. Before bed I read a little of two books that I am going through right now. One is the women’s summer Bible study group that I am a part of, Max Lucado’s Outlive Your Life and Single, Married, Separated and Life After Divorce by Myles Munroe (a familiar teacher in the DivorceCare series). My thoughts went something like this: “Wow, God, my life does not look anything like I ever thought it would, but that’s not a bad thing. I guess I am starting to look at it as a second chance, and a tragedy turned into an opportunity to really live and to really minister to others. And this whole single thing . . . wow! I never imagined that it could be like this . . . good.”
Yeah, you read that right – Good. And I don’t mean good as in “eh, okay.” I mean like when God said it was GOOD. (Genesis 1) Because while it is true that before I got married I wasn’t dreaming of weddings, I was not okay being single. I didn’t “get” what single was. When I was not studying, hanging out at the BSU . . . in between those fleeting sweet seasons with God when I pulled my head out of my figurative derriere, I was flitting from relationship to relationship. All short-lived and all unhealthy. I was still a relatively young believer and still very, very insecure. I wasted a lot of energy chasing after men that did not love me, trying to convince them that they should. When all along I should have been enjoying the sweet friendships I had, drinking in the word, serving my community and getting to know me. I would have been too busy to grapple at straws that weren’t mine to begin with.
So here I am nine years, three children and one divorce later. Ugh, I still cringe at that d word. Nevertheless, single again, and I get it. I own it. I understand that it isn’t a cross to bear or a life-sentence to nunnery. It’s the state of being unique and whole. It’s the lifestyle of devoting my time and my energy to my God and my family. It’s liking me for who God made me to be. It’s good.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Isaiah 43:19 “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”