Because I love you all, I am blogging even though I am tired. Okay, and a recent post from the Pioneer Woman (my super-woman inspiration) got me motivated to keep posting even when I don’t wanna.
Julia and sleep and I are not in sync yet. She’s three weeks old so I am not surprised or anything, I just wish I could anticipate if I will get to go back to sleep after she eats in the middle of the night or if I get to sit up in misery while she hangs out. Wide awake. Oblivious to my miserable, weepy state. I don’t do over-tired. I really don’t!
So last night . . . err, this morning, Miss J awoke at 3:30am to partake of her bottle. I watched her eat, and man did she take her time, hoping to see her slip into the milk-drunk baby coma that ensures another 3 or so hours of sleep. I watched and waited and she never went to sleep. We rocked. I prayed. We walked around the room. I begged. We swayed. I started to bargain with an infant. I think I started to lose it at about 5am.
I think it’s safe to say that for most people, it’s in the middle of the night or earliest morning when we have to come face to face with our truest selves, our deepest hurts and frustrations. I think that’s why meeting with God early is a good thing – no time or energy to put on the fronts we love to wear. He sees right through them anyway. So there I was pouring my junk out to God there at 5am while I held my sweet girl, and wouldn’t you know it – she finally drifted off to sleep soon after.
Somehow I managed to get up at 7:15 and get us all ready to take Jonah to school. On the way there one of the DJs on K-Love recalled a particularly harrowing mom-morning with her two young boys – let’s just say it involved one child nearly running into the street and another refusing shoes and subsequently stripping down to his birthday suit – all while she desperately tried to get to church on time. Amidst her frustration she recalled these three things to mind:
*I prayed for these children.
*”Parenting is not for cowards.” – Dr. James Dobson
*Enjoy the journey.
And those words rang in my head all day and into this evening as Jonah cried while doing his homework, as Lyla darted up the stairs when I wasn’t looking and Julia peed on me. I prayed for these precious babies. I am not a coward, and this is all part of the journey – better enjoy it before it’s over!