It’s late. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, is asleep but me. Then again, this is the first time I have been alone all day. Ahhhhh.
I went to a women’s Bible study last night. It’s a block away, very convenient, and I already have the book since it was a study that I failed miserably at attending this summer. So, with no roadblocks, I whisked over at 5 till 7 and was the first to arrive. This is a study on how to study. While I know how to study the Bible, I haven’t been very successful at it since child #2 entered and then exited the womb. I am not too persnickety about much, but I was trained well in studying God’s word, so I get flustered when I cannot do it the “right” way. Often what happens is that I try for a couple days to get on track, get interrupted or someone ends up sick or a load of work comes in . . . and I throw my hands up.
This study (Modern Girls’ Guide to Bible Study) addresses that, and while going through Day 1 of Week 1 I was confronted with my very real fear of failure. I have known for some time that I am not great at finishing what I start, with the exception of most books. I rarely put away a book before I’ve read it cover to cover.
Here is an overview of what I have utterly failed at “finishing”: for one, teacher education – I got into the program and then we decided to move to Nashville, no biggie, but sometimes I wish I had finished. Breastfeeding my kids – twice now it has not worked out. First time was my fault, second time it seemed my body was against me. Still – I just wanted to make it 8 months. Losing Weight – ah yes, we’ve visited this subject many times, and again, I am still working on it – perhaps for my entire life! Okay, so these are some big examples but there seem to be a million little other ones too.
And while this summer really did spiral out of control preventing me from attending the study this summer, I have to be honest with myself and wonder if part of it was a fear of commitment/failure?
Here’s the good news – God’s made it apparent to me through two reliable sources that I can and should do this, and that the fear has got to go.
Proverbs 16:3 says “Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
Daniel 10:12 ” . . . for from the first day you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words.”
I Chronicles 28:9 ” . . . know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and unserstands every intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will let you find Him . . .”
Pro 2:1-5 “My son, if you will receive my words And treasure my commandments within you, Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear of the LORD And discover the knowledge of God.”
Keep me accountable friends . . . and away I go!