Tonight we went to visit my newest niece, little Addison Grace Zaragoza. She isn’t quite a week old yet. So tiny, so sweet.
As I watched my sister-in-law holding her I looked to my Lyla, bouncing (and drooling) happily in my lap. She suddenly looked really big. Four months already. My heart got a little sad just then and I said to Kellie, “It’s like her babyhood is just slipping through my fingers!” She nodded. Addison is her second too, and already she gets what I’m saying.
Jonah’s babyhood seems so long ago; he’ll be five next month. I remember feeling like he was a baby forever. Maybe that’s because I only had one job, one kid. Maybe it’s because he was my first and every one of his firsts was a first to me. I look at his big-boydom, and I just want to go back in time. To kiss his baby cheeks, to hold him on my hip. While being a mom is rarely easy, I have so enjoyed being Jonah’s mom.
Being a mom to two kids is tricky. I’m constantly worried that I am not giving Jonah enough attention or that I’m not doing everything with Lyla that I did with Jonah. I am always tired. My house is always messy. My heart is always full.
After we got home and got Jonah to bed we got Lyla fed and in her jammies. I was about to leave for a solo trip to the store (yay!) and was letting Lyla stand in my lap. I just melt when she grins at me with her pink gums and her big blue eyes (which are turning hazel). She blew a raspberry at me and squealed, and I just thanked the Lord for this little girl whose conception was quite the surprise last summer. I had a hard time going to the store after that because I just wanted to savor that moment.
I have a feeling that I may be crying at her first birthday next spring. I’ll be the one crying in the cake. 🙂