The Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon was this past weekend. I got up early on Sunday to watch in on the news. It was cold and rainy. Ick. Still, a part of me wished I was there! As I said in my last “installment” I walked/jogged the Music City Half- Marathon in 2007. I had never, ever attempted anything like that in my life. It was one of those “to do before you die” things, and when a friend suggested that I join her I thought, “Why not?”
We started training in January. My best-girl, Carla, trained with me even though she had no desire to actually do the thing. I guess you could say I didn’t really train rigorously or anything, but it was great fun, and I was in excellent shape when April rolled around.
By excellent shape I mean that I was fit – not thin. Wouldn’t you know it, there were a ton of “us” at that race. Diversity was part of what made the race so fantastic. Tall, short, thin, not-so-thin, old, young, even pregnant – every race, color, creed – 30,000 folks just coming together to have a good time and in the process gain confidence, meet a goal, and raise money for a good cause.
I desparately want to blog about my marathon expereince, but that will have to be for another time as I need to finish what I started…
So after the race I felt phenomenal. Even though I really didn’t lose any weight in the process ( I KNOW I gained some serious muscle!) I felt healthy and proud of my self for the first time in a long time. Also for the first time in many moons, I gave myself a break from the constant barrage of try-and-fail dieting. I did pretty good until this past fall of 2007. We distinctly felt a call from God to move back to our homestate of Oklahoma. Let me add that when you begin to listen to the Lord and obey Him after not doing so for a very long time, it’s to be expected that you will get asked to do something you aren’t sure you want to do.
Nashville had become our home. We’d made friends that were more like family, had a great church, etc… but in Oklahoma was our past, our families, and the call of God to “Go back.” So in November we packed up what we didn’t sell on Craigslist and moved to Oklahoma City. Well, we got there and it was one thing after another that went wrong even though many other things went right. Namedly, the place we were renting was just awful. It looked fine until we got moved in and the place seemed to just unravel. The landlord was unhelpful and disinterested with the place and us for that matter. Did I begin to eat? You betcha I did!
We hated coming home and didn’t know how we would get out of that mess or even if we should. We tried to make the best of it as it got the best of us and our nerves. Of course I gained more weight and then slapped a “diet-aid” on it to try and make it better. This time it was Jorge Cruise’s 8 Minutes in the Morning which I actually really like, it’s healthy and practical, and I was just lazy and too stressed to even try to stick to any kind of plan. I think I felt like if I could just lose weight I would be happier. If I could just fit into my size 10s again, I would feel good. If I coulld, if I could, if I could . . . It’s never enough.
I think at this point God was shaking His Holy head saying, “Child, don’t you get it? Nothing can make you happy . . . least of all a ‘better’ body. Come to Me!” I was bowing down at the altar of my own ideas of happiness and sacraficing myself, my time, my body. God is a jealous God in case you didn’t know (Deut 4:24 – “For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. “)
As you might have figured out this is my last post on “weight loss” because that’s not my focus anymore. Do I still want to lose weight? Sure! Do I still long for that size 10? YES! Will I continue on this crazy-cycle of diets, self-loathing, and mis-appropriated priorities? Nope.
Over the last several months, and really if I cared to go back and put my walk with God under the microscope for the past few years, God has been saying the same thing to me over and again, just in different ways. As I said to Carla yesterday, “The Lord loves to repeat Himself until we get the message.”
Here it is aptly summed up in Psalm 119:9-16 “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. With all my heart I have sought You; Do not let me wander from Your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You. Blessed are You, O LORD; Teach me Your statutes. With my lips I have told of All the ordinances of Your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, As much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts And regard Your ways. I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word.”
Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
2 Timothy 2:15 “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.”
And so here I am, still not near one goal, struggling in my flesh, but chasing after THE GOAL (Phillipians 3:14 “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”) I tell you something interesting, the more I dig into God’s word and actively pursue what He has promised those who believe (Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and thatHe is a rewarder of those who seek Him.”) the less I think about what I am going to eat and drink and this body of mine.
In fact, I think I have lost a few pounds, but who’s counting?