A Likely Story

This post idea was snagged from Amber and the Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Outside my window… dark.  It’s late. 

I am thinking… that I need to go to bed, really.  But being up and alone, listening to some classical music is so nice.  Not as nice as sleeping, but close.

I am thankful for… my kids and my husband.  I just love them to death.  I really do.  They bring such sweetness to my life.  While I’m thinking about it, I need to figure out what to put in the JOY stocking for them this Christmas . . .

I am wearing… black pants and a red t-shirt.  Simple is my middle name.  Okay, not really.  Ann is my middle name, but isn’t that about the most simple middle name you can have?  Rambling . . .

I am remembering… Tennessee.  I always want to be there in the fall. 

I am going… to Dallas this weekend to have a girls’ weekend with my mom and sisters.  This is a first!  It’s my mom’s 51st birthday.  We are planning on cooking her dinner and who knows what else?  I am praying for it to be a time of joy, healing and laughter.
I am reading… a biography of Julia Child.  I hated the book Julie & Julia (and loved the movie, go figure) and found myself intrigued with Julia’s life.  It’s pretty good so far.

I am hoping… to get serious about losing weight.  I have zero excuses and loads of apathy. 

On my mind… Thanksgiving.  It is going to be different this year.  We are participating in Families Loving Families and hoping to make that a tradition.  We’re also having my parents over for the first time to eat, just us and them. I am looking forward to cooking dinner with my mom!

From the learning rooms… I got Jonah’s first report card, and man have those changed!  Bottom line: we have a lot of work to do, but he is making good progress.  I see LOTS of phonics in our future and sight words.

Noticing that… I don’t miss the TV.

Pondering these words… “To Love another person is to see the Face of God.” Victor Hugo – Les Miserables.  I have heard this quote a million times since that is one of my favorite books.  Hugo had a really incredible understanding of God’s grace, and I believe he was most definitely talking about Agape love in this quote. 

From the kitchen… I am debating what to make for dinner tomorrow night.  Mondays are Financial Peace University, and Jason’s cousin, Summer, comes to eat and watches the kids while we go to class.  I like to make something extra yummy since she is technically allowing us to pay her with food.  I’m thinking chicken….something with cheese??
Around the house… I am wishing (and praying) for more energy and motivation to keep it up.  It seems like every time I get it looking and smelling halfway decent, I turn around for a moment and it’s dirty again.  My mother says that’s just the way it is when you have small kids.  I think she’s right.  I also think that when we are debt free I am going to budget in Merry Maids.

One of my favorite things~ is the wedding quilt my grandmother (Nanny) gave to Jason and I when we got married. It’s beautiful – navy blue, butter yellow and white.  There’s something lovely about homemade quilts. They seem warmer than other blankets.  I like to think that’s because they are made with love.

From my picture journal…
 

This one has an appetite for life!

I detest Daylight Savings Time.  It never used to be a big deal until I had kids. Before kids I would groan at Spring Forward and rejoice at Fall Back.  But then I had kids.

Kids have amazing little internal clocks.  Even if you aren’t super strict with a schedule in your household, most kids naturally fall into a pretty predictable schedule, and they like it. A lot. My children, for example, normally go to bed by 8pm and they wake up at 6:30 or 7am.  Yes, early risers – and they’re always very energetic too!  But when DST rolls around, UGH.  UGH!!!!!!! At 6:30pm is dark now, and they are tired! (hello, they’ve been up since the crack of dawn!)  I know they want to go to bed, but for the sake of our sanity, they have to wait another hour or we’ll get a 5am wake up call.  Not cool. So, long story short, It’s Saturday and I have been up since 6:30 because their little bodies think it’s 7:30am – which is sleeping in for us.   Oh, how I hate thee, DST!

The good news?  The dishes are done, laundry’s started and Lyla is on her first nap, so I get to goof off on the computer. But first I did a little reading in My Utmost for His Highest.  I got my first copy of the little book when I was in college.  It still amazes me how a preacher who actually died pretty young a long time ago has made such an impact on generations of believers. Over the years I have often read it along with my Bible study, and have found his insight into God’s word to be amazingly poignant.

This morning was no different.  For November 7th the key Bible passage is “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God . . . ” Romans 8:28

This passage is kind of a toughie.  Does that mean that if I believe in Jesus and love God that my life will be one big bowl of sunshine? Doubtful.  No let me rephrase that -  YEAH, RIGHT!  O.C. has a different take on it.  He says, “The circumstances of a saint’s life are ordained of God. In the life of a saint there is no such thing as chance . . . God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you.” In other words, we really aren’t meant to just (as Dave Ramsey calls it) “be-bop” along through life thinking everything that happens is just an amazing coincidence. 

O.C. continues, “All your circumstances are in the hand of God . . . you don’t ever have to think they are unnatural or unique. Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use the everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne, and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them. In this way God is going to touch the whole world with His saints.”  This is pretty amazing to me who used to be under this assumption that I needed to go searching for opportunities to serve God, when really – God’s got them in place right where I am.  I just have to open my eyes and pay attention! 

This must be why “praying without ceasing”  (1 Thessalonians 5:16) is so important.  That must be why abiding in Him (John 15:4) is so necessary!  If my greatest purpose is to know God and make Him known, I better look up and take notice of where GOd has me, who He’s surrounded me with and listen.  It’s tempting sometime as a (mostly) stay at home mom to think that I don’t he many opportunities to “get out there and serve God.”  That couldn’t be less true!  Not only am I holding the precious gift given to Jason and I of raising up our kids to know God and make Him known, I have countless opportunities with the people I see and talk to everyday to intercede, to just let God’s love overflow into their lives.

You really never do know how or when God will move in another person’s life. Sometimes He even speaks to people through silly, grammatical-error ridden blogs. 

Old Oswald ends with this thought, “Am I making the Holy Spirit’s work difficult by being vague and unsure, or by trying to do His work for Him?” OUCH. “I must do the human side of intercession— utilizing the circumstances in which I find myself and the people who surround me. I must keep my conscious life as a sacred place for the Holy Spirit. Then as I lift different ones to God through prayer, the Holy Spirit intercedes for them.”  Right on.

Last week I had a first – a real, live book signing with a real, live author.  Not just any author, but Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman – a total web sensation with her hilarious, honest blog complete with amazing recipes, breathtaking photography – yes, and even homeschooling and home/garden stuff.  Superwoman?  Quite possibly, in my opinion anyhow.

I almost didn’t go.  We had Fall Festival at learning center, and I was worn smooth out. What I really wanted to do was sleep, but I had already made some preliminary plans with my friend Amber, another Pioneer Woman fan.We’d have to be late due to a parent teacher conference and my extreme tiredness, but we simply couldn’t pass up this opportunity to do something fun that was also essentially free.

I met Amber at the parking lot of Borders; she had literally just purchased the last copy of The Pioneer Woman Cooks that they had in stock.  I admit, I was a little envious.  I promised Jason I would wait because that is the only thing  I asked for this Christmas.  Amber and I pulled into the Full Circle Bookstore parking lot and found a prime spot right up front.  Surely a good sign, right?  This could only mean that even though the signing started an hour ago that the line wouldn’t be long at all, right?  I mean, Ree is great, but a blogger, and who reads . . . blogs . . . right?   W-R-O-N-G.

So we saunter on into the book store thinking we have it made and look to our left to see none other than The Pioneer Woman herself in all her cute, midnight-blue blouse wearin’, beautiful auburn hair, goddess of the kitchen and creator of  giggles glory.  Amber, being the confident woman she is, attempts to strut right up to Ms. Drummond when I pull her back and shake my head frantically from side to side.  “No, oh nooooo….”I say.  “Look at the line!”  Amber and I sheepishly backed away from the mob (who looks friendly but could easily turn on us and beat us to death with their cookbooks) and almost tripped over some photographers and began to weave our way through the store looking for the end of the line.

We walked through the store.  We walked out of the store and into the mall.  We walked past the store, past several other stores, came to some stairs and finally, near another entrance and a restaurant, we found the end of the line. We then also discovered that some of our line mates had already been there an hour, and the line had not moved.  Oy Vey.

Still, this would not dampen our mood.  Then a woman who Amber and I agreed that we would refer to her as “awkward mousey woman” showed up. awkward mousey woman was not a patient line waiter, and she made that very clear.  She loudly proclaimed that waiting this long was “crazy” and that “she (The Pioneer Woman) is just taking her sweet time, talking to people” Gasp!  Talking to people?  Why I never . . . okay, sorry.  Anyway, AMW had a lot of these opinions, and truthfully, she was bringing us down.  A bona-fide wet blanket.  AMW then decided (on four separate occasions) that she would go “check things out” and would we hold her place in line?  Um, she was the last person in a line that moved like a sloth . . . no problem, lady.

After her fourth excursion to go “check things out” AMW gave up and hit the road. And noticeably, the mood lifted. Not long after that, AMW was replaced by a group of fun-loving gals – ALL in extremely cute outfits. As we waited, shuffled, chatted, waited, shuffled, snarfed candy, chatted . . . Pioneer Woman’s own husband, made famous by her wildly popular blog, Marlboro Man came down our way to sign autographs and take pictures.  What a nice guy – and handsome too.  Ree, wasn’t kidding.  That dude makes the ladies swoon.  So when I got to meet him I asked if all the newfound fame was wierd for a guy who’s wrangled cattle his whole life. He smiled and said, “For sure!” 

Around 8:45 the crowd started to get antsy.  Ree had a dinner scheduled at Rococo after the signing which was supposed to be over at 8:30pm.  I don’t think they were prepared for 800 people to show up!  There were rumors that she was leaving before 9pm and then rumors that she wasn’t.  Turns out, she stayed . . . and stayed, and stayed.

Before this gets any longer and you all lose interest (as if you hadn’t already) here is how it went:  Amber and I waited 4 and a half hours before we finally got our turn to meet The Pioneer Woman.  We considered bailing several times, but then, we’d waited this  long – how could we leave now?  Plus, we were having fun.  See, there’s this thing about women that helps when waiting in impossibly long lines – we love to talk.  And the later it got, I just talked more. Think I’m chatty now?  God forbid you get stuck with me at midnight; it just gets worse. Sorry, Amber. 

As 12:30am rolled around, we finally had our turn. Ree was impossibly pretty and kind. And real.  I am amazed that she stayed over 6 hours to sign cookbooks and chat with her fans.  I’d hasten to say that’s what class and gratitude looks like.  So, was it worth it?  You betcha!  Did I manage to say stupid thing(s) to Ree?  You betcha!  While I talk a lot at 12:30 in the am, I don’t make much sense.  Bummer.

Hi guys.  It’s me, the inconsistent blogger.

For once, it hasn’t been a lack of blog material, but too much!  Life rolls on in our household at what sometimes seems a maddening pace, and with no housework to do, kids in bed, Jason reading a novel and no articles to write – here I am!

It’s November.  Already! I am in such a different place now than I was last year.  A much, much better place to be quite honest. For one, I was still very, very queasy a majority of the time (thank you, Lyla), I was dealing with a lot of uncertainty in my own person and struggling in my relationship with God.  And, it was last middle and late October that two precious people in my life went on to heaven, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. 

So, last November as I nestled a sweet baby in my womb and tried to get excited about the holidays, my heart was just about as broken as it could be. Being away from Tennessee has been hard; it still is.  Not being there to say goodbye to two women whose lives had such an amazing impact on mine was beyond difficult.  I wrote about Ashley .  A couple of weeks later I got a call that another friend, Doris, had also lost her battle with cancer and had gone on to be with Jesus.  It wasn’t that I forgot to write about Doris, or didn’t have time or found it too painful . . . no, there was just so much to say about this incredible individual.

While there is still way too much to say, I have to share with you all about this angel that we had the priviledge to know during our stay in Tennessee.

We first met Steve and Doris Little, a funny for Steve since he was anything but Little (he is an  extremely tall guy!) and a very fitting name for petite Doris, one of the first Sundays that Jason and I visited Judson Baptist Church.  We had been in Nashville since May and had visited several churches, but none had quite been right yet.  Before we even visited the worship service, we decided to give Sunday School a try. Long story short, we knew after that first hour with the Littles and the couples there who would soon become some of our dearest friends that we would join Judson.  And we did.

Steve had a knack for teaching (well, he called it facilitating) and getting us to talk, about real stuff, about hard questions.  Doris definitely had the heart of a teacher and was absolutely in-love with God’s word. Together they were passionate about helping us understand how precious the marriage covenant was and how to be the husbands/wives/parents that God desired for us to be.  They opened their own lives up to us and shared honestly about their failures and triumphs.

It wasn’t long after we began attending Judson that we were invited to the annual Christmas party.  I had to work but encouraged Jason to go. He was anything but excited to go hang out with people he didn’t know very well, but the other alternative was sitting at home alone on a cold night.  After I got home that night, he had this look of shock on his face.  He told me how he sat down by Doris at her dining room table, and as they chatted she suddenly asked, “Jason, would you tell me about your father?”  I won’t divulge the details of Jason’s difficult relationship with his dad over the years, but I have to tell ya – it wasn’t anyone but Jesus telling her to ask him that.  And Jason knew it. 

Doris knew how to get to the heart of a thing, to hit the nail on the head, to see through a situation to its core.  She never minced words, but she spoke the truth in love.  I had many lunch dates with her and sometimes with her and Steve.  She was a friend to me when I didn’t have many . . . or any! She made an effort to show me what a Godly wife looked like, how a Godly mother loved, what a Godly woman, a real live proverbs 31 woman was.  She was it. I know she’d roll her eyes if she read that, but it’s the truth!

Doris loved to laugh, she was creative, giving and probably the best hostess I have ever known. She loved her family fiercely, and was gifted at helping them create beautiful, meaningful memories. In particular, Doris was known at Christmas for doing a Happy Birthday Jesus cake with her kids and grandkids and a JOY stocking, where she would give gifts to her loved ones and tell them how they each brought her joy that year.

Goodness, there is still so much to say, too much for this forum. So I’ll end with this -  Doris, I miss you. There are so many times I wish I could sit down with you and ask how you would handle this or that, but I know what you would say.  You’d tell me to turn to God’s word, to study it precept by precept, to hide it in my heart.  You’d tell me to listen intently and the go do it!  I miss you. I miss having coffee at your house overlooking the lake through your kitchen, that white brick walled Sunday School room at Judson. I miss you, but I know where you are.  Sitting at the feet of Jesus, getting to sit with the WORD, live and in person. 

P.S.  I’ve still got the JOY stocking you gave me, and it’s overflowing. 

When I last blogged, I belive I was ill . . . Jason too, oh yeah, and Lyla.  A month later, we have finally (almost) emerged from under the cloud of yuckiness that has hung over our home.  Not a week after the weekend yuckies, Lyla developed a week-long unexplained fever and then she and Jonah reached the pinnacle of sickness with the full-blown seasonal flu.

Did I mention that I might scream if I have to purchase another box of tissues, can of Lysol or fever-reducing medicine any time soon? A HSA looks really appealing, and logical, right now.  So, that’s where I’ve been.  In case you were wondering.

Despite the sickness, life moves on, and boy does it ever!  Here’s a run-down of the going-ons here at the Z house.

*If you read Jason’s blog or FB page you might notice that he appears to be selling everything we own.  And if that’s the impression you got; you’d be right.  We’re in week 5 of Financial Peace University and hitting our stride. This is our second time to go through FPU, and while it’s not like we didn’t get it the first time . . . we really get it this time.  They say that time is a healer of all things, and I say that it also helps with perspective too.  Right now we’re selling and socking away every last dime to reach our emergency fund, and then we get serious. Seriously. More to come on that front!

 As you can see, here, baby girl is 7 months old.  Oh, and she is wearing cloth diapers.  Sidenote:  Never say you won’t do something, because you just might have to eat your words .  . . or wash them, dry them and pad your baby’s bum with them.  ha!  See, this whole living below our means thing seems to be flooding into every area of our lives.  Get it? Flooding?! I know, sad.  Anyway, some very cool friends gave these to us.  What a blessing!  And after two weeks, I have a confession to make.  I like them. A lot.  They are not what I presumed they would be – a lot of work (as if I don’t have enough to do!).  In fact, they really are just a teeny bit more work that the disposable and cheaper, AND YES, better for the environment. My funny best friend, J, who I lovingly refer to as the “cloth diaper queen” asked if I was going to be hugging trees or wearing Birkenstocks soon? Ha ha.  I deserved that. Lesson learned, don’t judge a diaper by its cover.  And by the way, the covers are very cute!

*It’s Fall!  Glorious Fall!  And yes, I realize that technically I don’t need to capitalize Fall since it’s a season, but it’s my favorite.  So there. The trees are actually turning colors this year, thanks to the extra rain.  That’s part of why places like Tennessee (home to some of the most awesome Fall foliage!) have such beautiful Falls, the rain.  I always remember Fall being a very rainy time of year in Nashville.  Jonah has been especially excited to see the reds, oranges and yellows. It’s just so nice that we actually get a nice transition into winter rather than the usual Hot/Cold mess we’re used to.

*Since the sickness, I have been cooking a lot more lately.  Oh yeah, and we’re not eating out, at all. Unless some sympathetic soul wants to give mommy a break and throw us a bone, as in a gift card to somewhere, anywhere.  I’ve cooked all manner of goodies so far this month including chicken spaghetti, roast beef, pork chops and rice, spinach and cheese stuffed chicken and Samye’s delicious fish recipe that she gave to me this summer (which I believe was Weight Watchers?!) Since the cold weather is seeping in, I am in full soup mode.  Oh baby. Nothin’ better than soup.  It’s easy, it’s warm, it’s versatile!  Seriously, we’re having chili, homemade chicken noodle and beans & cornbread just this week.  My latest favorite cookbook is one I have been pleasantly surprised by, Trisha Yearwood’s Georgia Cooking in an Oklahoma Kitchen.  It’s so homey, so yummy. But I have my eye on another . . . also an Okie – The Pioneer Woman!

My friend, Carla, encouraged me to Ree Drummond’s site this summer, and I have been hooked ever since.  She’s funny, she’s real, she cooks (oh, she COOKS!), she takes amazing photos . . . she has a lot going on in a very non-intimidating, you want to be neighbors with her kind of way.  So she has a cookbook coming out next week The Pioneer Woman Cooks. And I want it.  I really, really do.  If I get one present this year, I want that. I hope Jason reads this.    And to top it off, she’s going to be in OKC next week for her book tour.  And I’m going!  My husband said one time that while I rarely get starstruck, that when I do it is with people who rarely find themselves in that position.  Not sure what that says about me, but I think Ree is cool.

Okay, it’s officially midnight, and I am officially tired.  And in case I haven’t said this in a long while, for those who take the time to read this thing, thank you!  Thank you very much.  Night!

Long time, no blog . . . due to no time to blog. But here I am, a little refreshed after barreling through a pretty rough period in our lives. I promise to do better from now on.

So today as I was playing with Baby Girl, I suddenly remembered the dollhouse I wanted to badly when I was little, and almost got. I dreamed of having the grand Victorian dollhouse with pretty little shutters, a winding staircase and all the teeny-tiny, perfect furniture my house could hold. I honestly don’t think I even wanted to “play” with it. I could have cared less about the dolls. I just wanted to arrange and re-arrange the furniture. I begged for this dollhouse. Pled my case to the Great Claus. Every time we went to the hardware store where they had the kits I would sigh and look doe-eyed up at my dad and say something dramatic like, “Oh Daddy, isn’t that a pretty dollhouse?” Yes. I was that kid.

So one Christmas, I think I was nine or ten, my time finally arrived. I got the dollhouse! Only, it wasn’t quite how I had imagined. See, I figured my dad would have it all built already, pristine and perfect on Christmas morning, just waiting for me to fill it with a Barbie’s truckload of furnishings. Instead, it was a rather large, square box with the picture of the pristine, perfect dollhouse on the front – assembly not included. Darn. Darn!

I still don’t know why my dad didn’t put the goofy thing together for me, but I can guess that he knew full well the extent of the snoopiness of my sisters and I. We went to great lengths to known what those wrapped treasures beheld, even Heather and I holding little Savanah’s torso and legs while she searched for gifts in the closet under the stairs with a flashlight. Shame! He knew I’d find the thing before Christmas morning. It was the only way. Sheesh. Even then, I was my own worst enemy!

Despite the box, I was thrilled to finally have my prize! I would be the envy of all my friends. I would sit daintily in my room and play for hours on end like something out of one of my storybooks. . . . The reality was that I would have to put the stinking thing together first. Obviously, I immediately took to nagging my dad about it. He is a carpenter, after all! But dad said, “Wait. It’s Christmas. We’ll start on it later.” Sigh. OH-KAY Dad.

Well I waited a whole two days and despite my nagging, we still had not begun the dollhouse project. My dad had to go back to work, and we were still on Christmas break. One afternoon I decided enough was enough. If my dad was going to be so slow and helping, I would just do it myself. After all, we had a garage full of tools, wood glue and I had an above-average reading level. How hard could it be? This is where having any knowledge of the Bible would have come in handy:

Luke 14:28 “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? 29 Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.” (ESV)

So I gathered the materials and tools I could find and got to work. Sort of. After reading the directions, it was obvious that without help, it was going to take a really, really long time. I was a ten year old girl with little patience. Really, really long time was not in my vocabulary. I think I was hoping I could pull a Mary Poppins and magically snap the house into being. I cast the directions aside and just sort of started pasting and/or hammering things together. After many hours it was obvious that not only did I NOT have a beautiful, Victorian dollhouse, I had totally ruined any hopes of my materials becoming a beautiful, Victorian dollhouse. What I had – was a pile of sticks. Gluey, broken sticks. And I had splinters.

Of course, my dad discovered what I had done (my mother said, “I told you so.”) and he wasn’t even that angry. I was good at punishing myself. I cried and cried. I moped. I took the sad remains to the trash and moved on. Did he ever buy me another dollhouse? Nope. Did I ever ask for one again? I am not that brave.

So, this story got me to thinking about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. How often have I impatiently marched out on my own, to do my own thing, casting the “instructions” aside only to be left with tears and splinters? Ugh. Too many times.

John 5:19 “Jesus replied, ‘I assure you, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.’”

I saw this book at the libray The Daring Book for Girls and had to get it. It is more wonderful and fun than I could have imagined!  It celebrates the every girl – the bookworm (Moi), the drama queen, the princess, the athlete, the tom-boy, the adventurer, the best friend, etc. It’s almost a history of all the wonderful things about American girl-dom minus cat fights, gossip, big (bad) hair, texting and Facebook drama.

I never thought I would be fortunate enough to be blessed with a daughter, and now that I have one you best believe that I am going to cherish every moment. I want Lyla to do what this book encourages, to be daring, to get out and do things, to look beyond what she sees right in front of her and imagine. Even more, I want her to dare to have faith in Jesus.  To love the Lord with all her heart.  You know, to be weird.

Here is what the book says every daring girl should have (aka – the essentials):

Swiss Army Knife, Bandanna, Rope and Twine, journal and pencil with a backup pen, hair band (ponytail holder), bungee cord, flashlight, compass, safety pins, duct tape, deck of cards and a good book and patience.

I think I need some of those things!  However, I would add the following to that list:

chap-stick or lip balm, bobby pins and hope.

Other favorites from this book:

• The Rules of Basketball & Softball (with illustrations!) - What a help this would have been to me in gym class. Some of us are visual learners; we really do need to read about things first!
• How to play Four-Square – this was one “sport” I loved.
• A history of modern princesses
•  How to put your hair up with a pencil
• Friendship bracelets
• Slumber Party games
• A history of women inventors and scientists
• Words to impress
• First Aid
• Books every girl must read

Jason and I also checked out The Dangerous Book for Boys, and that’s a whole other post.  Jason got that look in his eye as we read through it which tells me two things A) he will be scouring halfprice books for a copy and B) Jonah is in for a world of fun! 

I am reminded of how fearfully and wonderfully made we really are (Psalm 139). I am excited to celebrate Jonah’s boyness and Lyla’s girliness. (I realize those don’t look like real words, but I was feeling it, so deal.) I am loving the frilly dresses and the holey jeans, the pink and the blue.

Today was a big day in the Z house. Okay so it started out kind of ick what with the battery dying in the Crapper, Oh I meant the Cruiser.  At 12:15, all four of us crammed into Jason’s 97 Chevy Cavalier and drove to Jonah’s first day of school.  In my opinion, it wasn’t really the first day since we stayed there the entire time for orientation. So I can do my crying tomorrow.

We arrived at Jonah’s new school and spilled out of the clown car into the humidity. I plopped Lyla into her sling, and away we went!  It was sort of surreal stepping into an elementary school. I have always loved school.  The smell of books, pencils and glue. The walls adorned with big bright letters, bulletin boards and PSA literacy posters. The sounds of children’s high-pitched voices, shuffling papers and the clacking of heels on linoleum. It takes me back!’

Let me say that Jonah’s classroom is awesome.  I wanted to stay and play! Jonah looked at me like, “You mean I get to come here and play with this cool stuff – everyday?!”  Yes, it is pretty cool. As we were guided through the dizzying maze of snack calendars, dropoff/pickup policies and school supplies – it hit me.  My baby is going to school. No, I did not cry.  I think I am still in shock.  I almost laughed when I saw the sign-up sheet for Room Parents and PTA.  My mom was in PTA.  I am now walking in her shoes . . .  although we opted out of PTA. We’re not ready for that drama, and with PTA there is always bound to be drama.

So here’s to us, parents of kids attending school for the first time.  We have entered a new leg of the journey, may your map be colored with Crayola and decorated with stickers. 

Jason and I stood in the kids’ room last night and watched them sleep for a few minutes.  They both move like maniacs in their sleep; Lyla has taken to sleeping sideways in her crib. As we stood there and listened to their breathing, synced together – so peaceful and right, Jason squeezed my shoulder and hugged me to his side.  “I can’t believe how lucky we are,” he said. “I absolutely love these kids.”  I realize that for all the craziness of the past four months, the many sleepless nights and all – it is very cool to be a family of four.

I remember when Jonah was a baby, I often thought how fortunate I was to have a husband who took to fatherhood like a fish takes to water.  It’s been a beautiful evolution.  Baby girl seemed to cause a growth spurt in his heart (and mine). If you aren’t yet to kid #2 and you’re worried that you won’t have enough lovin’ for the both, don’t worry.  It’s sort of a Grinch-That-Stole-Christmas effect – your heart seems to get bigger.  The love just multiplies.  It’s overwhelming sometime.

Jason and I will be married 8 years next week. I’m amazed, thankful, excited and eager to see what God has in store. In honor of him and our upcoming anniversary, I’d like to tell you why (and how) my husband rocks.

1) He’s stayed with me even when it wasn’t fun. We’ve had some “worse” times.  Oh yes we have. Jason and I had a less than normal courtship, engagement and wedding. Still, we sensed early on, even as we struggled, that God had a plan for us.

2) He humors me – even when I am being a complete dork, which happens a lot. He knows when to poke fun and when to nod and smile. I can get excited about ridiculous stuff sometimes, yet he doesn’t feel a need to jump in the boat every time.  Sometimes he just throws me an oar and smiles.

3) He thinks our kids are amazing. He pays attention to the wonderful, amazing details of parenthood.  He never sees staying with our kids as babysitting because he gets that we made them together and now we parent them together. He relishes their smiles, cherishes their giggles and wipes their tears. Ah, I could go on forever. His dedication to fatherhood is hot.

4) He reads Harry Potter. Don’t laugh; don’t poke fun. My man enjoys a good book – all kinds.  This was actually one of the first things that we recognized we had in common.  A love of literature.

5) He loves God and pursues Him. He leads our family in love.  Makes mistakes and apologizes for them. Even if he strays from God’s side, he always comes back.

6) He is considerate.  He lets me sleep a little bit longer because he knows that being woken up at 3am by a very excited baby kills me. He makes dinner (a bowl of cereal totally counts!) when I am too tired, plans elaborate birthday surprises that I ruin and doesn’t hold it against me and he brings me chocolate back along with . . . er, feminine things when I need them.

7) He says what he thinks even if it’s not popular. He sticks with his convictions and tries to respect those of others in turn.

He is compassionate. Time and again, I have seen Jason minister to single moms that we’ve known. Attempting to replace air filters, helping babysit kids and diligently praying for them and their children.

Jason, thanks for the past 8 years. I look forward to the next 8!  Thanks for loving us through thick and thin.  We love you!

It’s late.  Everyone, and I do mean everyone, is asleep but me. Then again, this is the first time I have been alone all day. Ahhhhh.

I went to a women’s Bible study last night.  It’s a block away, very convenient, and I already have the book since it was a study that I failed miserably at attending this summer. So, with no roadblocks, I whisked over at 5 till 7 and was the first to arrive. This is a study on how to study. While I know how to study the Bible, I haven’t been very successful at it since child #2 entered and then exited the womb. I am not too persnickety about much, but I was trained well in studying God’s word, so I get flustered when  I cannot do it the “right” way. Often what happens is that I try for a couple days to get on track, get interrupted or someone ends up sick or a load of work comes in . . . and I throw my hands up.

This study (Modern Girls’ Guide to Bible Study)  addresses that, and while going through Day 1 of Week 1 I was confronted with my very real fear of failure. I have known for some time that I am not great at finishing what I start, with the exception of most books.  I rarely put away a book before I’ve read it cover to cover.

Here is an overview of what I have utterly failed at “finishing”: for one, teacher education – I got into the program and then we decided to move to Nashville, no biggie, but sometimes I wish I had finished. Breastfeeding my kids – twice now it has not worked out. First time was my fault, second time it seemed my body was against me.  Still – I just wanted to make it 8 months. Losing Weight - ah yes, we’ve visited this subject many times, and again, I am still working on it – perhaps for my entire life! Okay, so these are some big examples but there seem to be a million little other ones too.

And while this summer really did spiral out of control preventing me from attending the study this summer, I have to be honest with myself and wonder if part of it was a fear of commitment/failure?

Here’s the good news – God’s made it apparent to me through two reliable sources that I can and should do this, and that the fear has got to go.

Proverbs 16:3 says “Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

Daniel 10:12 ” . . . for from the first day you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words.”

I Chronicles 28:9 “  . . . know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and unserstands every intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will let you find Him . . .”

Pro 2:1-5 “My son, if you will receive my words And treasure my commandments within you,  Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear of the LORD And discover the knowledge of God.”

Keep me accountable friends  . . . and away I go!