A Likely Story

I was doing so well until today; I blame the ice. 

1. My uncle once: brought a baby rattlesnake to our house in a paper bag.   He was drunk, and was promptly bitten before my dad realized what my crazy uncle had in the bag.  It was pretty exciting when the EMTs and fire department showed up.  Yes, this was one of “those” uncles.

2.Never in my life: have I had a hankering to jump off of something just for kicks.  Skydiving and bungee jumping is exciting to some.  To me its an invitation to publicly mess myself. No Thanks.

3.When I was five: I had a substitute teacher in my kindergarten class one day.  He obviously had very little expereince with small children as it took him an hour to notice that my friend and I never came in from recess.  I was really confused as to why we got in trouble.

4. High School was: bittersweet.

5. I will never forget: to tell my family that I love them.

6. I once met: Cindy Morgan, the only musical artist I ever cared to meet.  I think she’s fabulous in every way!

7. There’s this girl I know who: is always full of wisdom and great advice but never comes across as a know-it-all.  I appreciate her for that.

8. Once, at a bar: I watched a band with my friend on New Year’s Eve.  That was the first and only time I’ve ever been to a bar on New Year’s Eve.  My friend’s husband was in the band, and she was about 8 months pregnant.  It was interesting to say the least!

9. By noon, I’m usually: very, very hungry.

10. Last night: I made a great chicken stir fry with broccoli but somehow messed up the steamed rice.  My sweet husband ate it anyway.  I love him!

11. If only I had: a good antacid or some ice-cream.  This heartburn is the worst!

12. Next time I go to church: will Wednesday night; weather permitting.

13. Oprah Winfrey: has cute clothes and a god complex.

14.What worries me most: is not being a good parent.

15. When I turn my head left, I see: Jason and Jonah cuddled on the living room floor and a fire in the fireplace.

16.When I turn my head right, I see: my old couch and an empty coffee cup.

17. You know I’m lying when: I laugh.  If I am lying; sock me in the arm and tell me to stop.

18. What I miss most about the eighties: being totally free of responsibility. I was just a kid!

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: in a Midsummer Night’s Dream or the Taming of the Shrew.

20. By this time next year: I will not be pregnant and hopefully a lot thinner!

21. The name I always wanted is:  Elizabeth.  I thought it sounded romantic.

22. I have a hard time understanding: racism.  It really boggles my mind.

23.If I ever go back to school, I’ll: go to culinary school or get a masters in English.

24. You know I like you if: I lend you a book. I love my books.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: God.

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: didn’t get it, genius, funny, who?

27. Take my advice, never: judge lest you be judged.

28.My ideal breakfast is: a spinach omelet, sliced tomato, grape juice and a couple slices of crispy bacon.

29. A song I love, but do not own is: “Only the World” Mandisa

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: eating Mexican food.

31.Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars: pretty, normal, beyond my pea brain, fast.

32. Why won’t people: be nicer at Wal-Mart.  My son is convinced that’s where all the rude people live.

33.If you spend the night at my house: you’ll be forced to play board games.

34. I’d stop my wedding for: nothing I guess.  Already hitched.  If I wasn’t married I guess I would say a natural disaster?

35. The world could do without: meanies.

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:  . . . okay that’s pretty bad.  Even I couldn’t come up with a better one.

37. My favorite blonde is: Matthew McCaughney.  Or however you spell his name.  He’s a hottie.

38: Paper clips are more useful than: self-help books.

39.If I do anything well, it’s: cook.

40. And by the way: there are about a thousand things I should have been doing besides this, but it was fun!

I had this hilarious thought as I was reading another blog and just had to share . . . warning:  it is pregnancy related.  Sorry ya’ll but you know this child has all but consumed my mind at this point!

Well, I was reading Beth Moore’s blog, and her daughter Amanda who is very, very pregnant also with a baby girl (she’s 37 weeks) had a post about her fear of her water breaking in public.  I’m not so much afraid of this happening to me.  Heck, I don’t care where it happens because if it did happen somewhere other than the hospital it would mean that baby girl would be coming all the sooner.  Anyway, one gal posted this comment about wanting to look good for baby#2’s birth to the point that she started putting on a full face of makeup and making sure her hair looked good every time her contractions got going once she was pretty far along.

I relate to this woman big time!  I have always envied the women who despite having just pushed a child from their bodies, look cute (ahem, Kristin D) I just don’t look that cute without makeup, and I was a hot mess in the pics taken when Jonah was born.  I was STILL a hot mess the day after in the hospital and a week later at home.  My word, could someone have just pulled me aside to remind me to pull it together for a few photo ops?!  So, I’ve taken matters into my own hands for miss Lyla’s arrival. 

I had a multi-fold reason for wanting my Bare Minerals makeup – two of those reasons being A) it is quick to put on and B) it stays on.  You better belive I plan on looking at least presentable this go round especially since it will be my last.  I know, vanity vanity.  But hey, I’m the one pushing Lyla into this great big world – I might as well look good doing it! 

It’s  7pm and we haven’t been out all day.  It’s cold, and honestly we could not come up with anything inexpensive to do.  Either we are seriously lacking in the creativity or Oklahoma City is as boring as I think it is. So, all you OKC people, please please pass on any ideas for fun things to do that do not require a great deal of cash so that we can avoid this situation in the future.  I think we’re all losing it a little.

Still, I do plan on doing something productive this evening . . . cleaning should have been on the docket, but NAH.  I have this HUGE bag of apples since that is the only fruit Jonah will eat, and I thought I might as well make something fun.  I was a bit dismayed after searching the Food Network site. Everything was just too . . . froo froo.  In simplest terms, I want something that is warm and resembles apple pie without the work of making an actual apple pie.  I turned to my girl Paula Deen, and I think I found a solution – homemade fried apple pies, except I’m going to bake mine.

I’ll let ya’ll know how it turns out.  In the meantime, the family has voted to finally venture outside to run to Family Video.  Not very exciting, but it beats going crazy!

Will Lyla arrive . . .
( surveys)

A child in my class told me I was too fat to sit on the swings today.  OUCH!  While I guess I could have laughed it off or ignored her, I wouldn’t let my 4 year old talk to other adults that way so I gave her a talking to and had her “think about it” by herself for a couple of minutes.  My co-teacher just shook her head and tried not laugh.  I am pretty sure she was laughing at my mini-lecture on being “having a baby in my belly doesn’t make me fat.”  You think I might be a tad sensitive?

Anyway, I’m pretty sure she won’t be calling me fat again. 

In other news, we have approximately 8.5 weeks to go.  YES!  My body is doing its thing to get ready by walloping me with Braxton Hicks (for those who aren’t down with the preggo lingo – practice contractions) every so often.  They don’t hurt, but they don’t feel nice either.  I am reading up on all things baby to wrap my mind around taking care of a teeny one again.  No, I haven’t forgotten how, but a lot has happened in the past 4 years and a refresher never hurts! 

I wish the nesting instinct would return and bring some energy with it.  I want to clean.  I need to clean, but I am SO tired!  I need a bumper sticker that says, “I’d rather be napping.”

So over the next few weeks I will be trying to prepare for Lyla’s arrival.  I feel like I must get organized and get my life together before it all spirals out of control.  Now I’m just being melodramatic.  Still, there is a lot to get done over these next 8 weeks.  I’m tired just writing about it – time to nap!

So I started to watch American Idol tonight.  Midway through the lame-o singing and the awful bikini girl, I couldn’t take it anymore and submitted to Jason’s decision that we watch The Biggest Loser instead.  Good choice, my man.  I guess the truth is that I don’t ever really enjoy the audition phase of AI. Ever since I read Mandisa’s book Idoleyes and got a glimpse of how cruel that process really is, I’m just not that into it.  I get embarrassed for people.  And bikini girl was just ridiculous.  So ridiculous I’d rather watch people sweat.

The Biggest Loser was really great!  While the cast is much bigger this season, they are also much nicer (as in NO evil Vickys or Hebas to deal with).  I teared up as the other contestants went back down the mountain to help Daniel (TBL heaviest player) up the mountain.  I laughed when Bob finally went from nice guy to a screaming lunatic . . . I think Jillian is rubbing off on him.  I was really sad to see Jerry (the old guy) go home when it should have most definitely been Joelle who ran her mouth more than her feet. 

What I love most about the show is not just the weight loss but the determination of the contestants to be healthier, to live more and to see their perceptions of themselves change.  As a once thin girl now determined to get out of a fat body (okay I mean pre and post partum!) it’s tough not to get really disgusted with yourself and – well, just give up.  It’s particularly motivating to Jason who is sucessfully shedding the pounds.  I’m happy he’s losing the weight but even happier to see his self-image shaping up.  He’s strong, handsome and capable – I’ve spent almost 8 years trying to convince him of that.  Now he’s hopefully starting to discover that for himself.

Okay, okay enough mush.  Time to shut down this blasted computer and try to sleep (please, Lyla?).

Well, my friend we’re almost there.  You’ve all hung in there with me as I complained admantly about morning (ahem, all day) sickness, fatigue, my brain falling out and other pregnancy woes.  Here we are at the final stretch – only 10 short weeks to go and I will have baby girl out of me and in my arms.  I am just itching to see her . . . literally!

Oh the third trimester.  It’s reminiscent of the first with the tiredness, hurting bosoms and general crankiness. Only now I am huge and the little person in there is a serious kung-fu master, I am convinced of it.  She has exceptionally sharp elbows!  My stretch marks have stretch marks and I find myself wishing I had a crane to get off the couch, out of bed and especially to get off the pew at church.  Jason is my marvelous crane.  Maybe that’s why he’s really been lifting weights. 

So aside from all the complaining I have more mental clarity than the last trimester.  I’ve been kicking Jason’s butt at Wheel of Fortune and zipping through my crosswords (my gosh I am an old lady!) I’m finding my writing enjoyable again too.  I am more in love with my husband than ever.  I was jealous at first of his annoying new habit of losing weight and looking hot, but now I am finding it really encouraging and can’t wait to join in come May after I’ve been cleared to exercise again.  I’m ready to see Jonah with his baby sister and to marvel over the blessing of having my own little girl. 

So with only 10 weeks to go, I am hoping they go fast mainly because of the discomfort but moreso because I am ready to get going on this next part of the journey.  I thumb my nose at all those who feel they have to remind me of a newborn’s erratic sleep habits and other unpleasantness associated with recouping from birth.  All I can say is DUDE, come be pregnant for a few weeks and you’ll soon discover that a) I don’t sleep because I’m always peeing and I hate sleeping on my side b) I don’t enjoy eating all that much because even a cucumber gives me heartburn and ) I’m big. Really, really big. 

Bring it on, baby!

I’m watching the Golden Globes right now, kind of by accident really.  I sort of stumbled upon the red carpet show on the TV Guide channel while flipping channels.  I like the Golden Globes.  They’re not ghetto like the People’s Choice Awards or ultra snooty like the Oscars.  The Golden Globes are my happy medium.  I mean, they’re all sitting at tables eating good food and chatting.  They actually look happy to be there. Plus, they award TV and movies. 

The show’s been pretty good so far, and I realized that there have actually been a lot of great movies made in 2008.  Before I get into the meat of this post, here’s my list of what I want to see.  Honestly, I’ll most likely see them on DVD or perhaps at the $1 movies.  I just can’t bring myself to spend the moola to go to the real theater, and most of these are on DVD already.

I want to see A Raisin in the Sun, Cranford, John Adams, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Burn After Reading, Rachel Getting Married, Bride Wars, Last Chance Harvey

So since I am in award mode, I thought I’d compile a list of random awards for 2008. 

BLOGS:

Best Blog for Literally Making Me Laugh Out Loud:  Mandy Crow – Unfinished Business. 

Best Blog for Getting My Wheels A’ Turnin:  Pastor Rick Thompson - The Road We Travel

Books:

Favorite New Author(s) of 2008:  Anna Quindlen, Ruth Reichl & Phillip Yancey

Best Just for Fun Reading:  Marley & Me & Standing in the Rainbow

Favorite Cookbook:  Paula Deen’s Kitchen Classics & Rachael Ray’s Big Orange Book (even though she has scary eyebrows on the cover!)

Movies:

Movies I Was Most Suprised to Enjoy:  Wall-E, The Dark Knight

Movie I Finally Rented and Was So Glad I Did:  To Kill a Mockingbird

Movie I Saw in the Theater and Really Enjoyed Only to Not Have Heard of it Since:  Be Kind, Rewind

Other Stuff:

Most visited websites:  Food Network, Facebook, Google

Food I Realized I Really Like:  Banana Peppers, Quiche, Tomatillos & Sour Cream

Most Valued Products:  Lip Balm (not to be confused with chap stick!), hair conditioner (holla if you hear me Preggos!), and Bare Minerals makeup (I like looking non-blotchy and awake)

This concludes my random and strange Crystal Awards for 2008-09.